i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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