brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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