so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
