just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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