i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
