my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
