Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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