Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
