I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My bed smells like the plague
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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