I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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