We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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