I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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