I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
