So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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