You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
