Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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