Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
