I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
