i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
