Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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