I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
