Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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