Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
