I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
