So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
