I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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