I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
