i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
