Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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