I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
