I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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