Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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