I'm gonna have a badass scar
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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