I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
