My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
