you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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