There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
