a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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