things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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