i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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