Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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