we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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