You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
