everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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