It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
