I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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