This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
