I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
