In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
