he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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