Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
