you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
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I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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