so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
