You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.