fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
