so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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