I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants