Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love