Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
