I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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