Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This toilet bowl is my home.
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