Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
