ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
