I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
FUCK WHALES
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