Someone shit on the floor
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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