Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
