Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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