i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
