Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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