What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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