I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
