Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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