it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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