just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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