My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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