Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
