OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
