Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
