either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
