well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
