If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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