Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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