If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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