So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
