she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
