Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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